Breakdown
by Ryzaria
Summary: Magi Val and Elibe go to War! Read inside for more details! CHAPTER 2: OMG, I'm sorry it took me so long to update! Anyways, Fran meets his bodyguard, and we learn some more about the religions of Elibe.
1. Prologue

**Breakdown**

**Summary**: Magi Val and Elibe go to war! Follow the adventures of one struggling Monk who's been enlisted in the army deal with people wanting him dead, a mad Cardinal, the wrath of King Badass, more people wanting him dead, and SHOCK OF HORRORS, a generic protector person, silent and honourable, with a troubled past. PH34R THE CLICHES!!! Oh yeah, and generic Love Interest.

Woo, a new ficcy! After deciding that Tactician Fantastico sucked, I decided to do an idea that I thought would be a good idea. So...yeah.

**Chapter the First: Prologue**

_And oh, the wise Sage Athos did turn to St. Elimine and say "My dear, what shall you do after kicking this dragon's ass all the way to the bank?"_

_And yea, the Eternal Light St. Elimine did reply "I shall make a religion filled with corrupt priests and nancy lady boys! And it shall have immense power over the world! And then, I shall give my books to you Athos, so that if and when you die, we can create quite an amusing plothole wondering how the hell did Aureola get from you to somewhere in Etruria!"_

_And lo, it was done! Corruption spread throughout the church, leaders took bribes from kings, and eventually, King Badass 1st gained the throne of Bern. And there was much rejoicing within the church, for King Badass had given them a large sum of money before his ascension!_

Fran closed the Holy Behbly and sighed. "What went wrong...why did she want a corrupt church?"

He pushed himself off the rough mattress of the bed he'd been sitting on, and moved to the window he had within the monastery. As he looked out, he saw the monks lining up for their morning berating by the Abbot Gutless. His strength was matched only by the lining of his pocket, as he was currently worth more than anyone else in the monastery. King Badass 7th, after taking over from King Zephiel, set about instantly appeasing the church with vast sums of money.

_Not that you mind..._ Fran thought, as he checked the golden lining on his robes, the sign of a senior monk (or of a man with rich parents). It had been bought by the valuable contributions from King Badass. "Bah..." he said aloud, the word summing up his feelings perfectly.

THUMP!!!

The door. _Who's knocking at this hour? It's my study hour! _"Who is it?" Fran asked.

A muffled voice replied "Messenger, sah! Abbot Gutless wishes to see you, sah! Said he has an important mission for you, sah!"

Fran groaned. "Fine...I'm coming..." _Ugh, probably wants me to clean out the toilets... _He sighed, before stepping towards the door, swinging it open and walking outside. Nodding to himself, he started walking left, down the stone corridor to Abbot Gutless' office.

- - -

King Hardrid Vader Badass strode down the corridor, his cloak whipping behind him. As he walked, the cloak caught some of the servants who were carrying crockery or other fragile things. _I must remember to have them executed _he thought, before stopping at a large wooden door. An ornate design depicting a dragon getting the crap beaten out of it by the Eight Legendary Heroes was carved into the heavy set door. He took a minute appreciating its value, before opening it, heading into the room he liked to call the Tactics Chamber.

"Hello, Jeff," the King said, each word rolling off his tongue like a well placed threat.

Tactician Fantastico's head whipped up, his long hair swooping perfectly over his head. "King Badass, I've finished my tactics review."

King Badass nodded. _Good..._ "Well then, what do you feel we should do?"

Tactician Fantastico glanced at his notes. "Well, my lord, the Magi Val heavily outnumber us ten to one, they have a good army of Knights, and their magic users would beat ours hands down. Seriously sir, the only chance we'd have of winning is by sending a bunch of teenage warriors who don't know much about fighting. Send about forty of them, and our victory is assured..."

King Badass' face turned into a state of confusion. "Explain..."

Tactician Fantastico nodded, then threw across one of the books on his table. "It's the Holy Behbly. Turn to page 63." The King caught the book and searched for the page. When he did, he started reading:

_-nd lo, Brammimond did say "My word Hanon, you are indeed one foxy nomad!"_

_And yea, St Elimine did say "Brammimond, you cheating bastard, I thought you loved me!"_

_Yea, and Athos did say "Hey, the scribe's still there, he knows too much!"_

_  
Wait, I'm the scribe. Shiiiiiiiiiit!_

"Err...not that part, milord."

"Ah..."

"_Now that little problem is taken care of," St Elimine did say, "I shall lay down some commandments:_

1. Thou shalt have as big an army as you wish, but a group of teenagers a tenth of its size can crush it.

_2. Thou shalt have ONLY ONE UGLY FEMALE PER GENERATION!!! All others shall be shot._

_3. Thou shalt not lie with another man, as that leads to Yaoi, and Yaoi leads to anger, and anger leads to hate, and hate...leads to fangirls..._

_4. Tho-_

"My word..." King Badass said. "It's all in the book...it's all so simple..."

Tactician Fantastico nodded. "So, my lord, shall I get a group of teenagers?"

"No, I think I'll do it..." King Badass replied, before turning to leave. At the door, he turned round and spoke to the soldiers, "Oh yes...execute the Tactician. He knows too much."

- - -

So yeah, that's the first chapter. There's gonna be more than a bunch of teenagers fighting this war. And more than just Bern vs Magi Val...WHEE!!!


	2. Electrifying

**Chapter the Second: Electrifying**

_So, Fran. You're on a ship that you don't want to be on, heading to Magi Val with a group of teenagers who know nothing about fighting, and an army. And you have to go with the teenagers...I wonder how much fun I can have by putting a target on my chest._

Fran was currently sailing. He only knew one thing, which was where he was going. The continent of Magi Val, with highly superior technology, magic and religious figures. There was no corruption there, it was all perfectly decent. _Why couldn't I have been born there?_

A man joined him on the front deck. Fran could tell by his clothes, his manner and his sword that he was a military man. "..." he said.

"I'm sorry?" Fran replied, unable to translate Enigmatic Warrior-speak.

"... ..." the man said again, placing particular emphasis on that fifth dot.

"Err...sorry, you're not saying anything..."

The mysterious man banged his head off the banister, and then produced a sheet of paper and a quill. Writing down rapidly, he then held the sheet of paper up. Written in hastily written...err...writing was the words "My name's Shinzu, dumbass. What's yours?"

Fran groaned. "Great...an Elimine-Damn Enigmatic Warrior...I'm Fran, the Monk..."

Shinzu started writing again hurriedly. When he produced the paper this time, it said "Ah, you're the one I'm supposed to protect. Elimine-Damn..."

"Tell me about it..." Fran replied.

-

Meanwhile, with the army, Commander Fiere Ryzaria looked on edge. _Why did Badass have to send the Last Chancers! I was looking forward to my retirement next year...arrgh..._

Fiere was the kind of man you couldn't help liking. He had bucket loads of charm, one of the primary reasons that he'd survived so long. He had so much charm, that in battle, the opponents suddenly wondered why they'd been talked into surrendering their vastly superior forces, land and money over to this one man. This made Fiere loved by the population, but hated by every lord and lady in the land.

And that was just how he liked it.

"Sah!" _Ah, Sub Commander Andrew Morgans..._ Andrew Morgans was the exact opposite of Fiere. He had about as much charm as a road accident, and about as much intelligence as well. This made him hated by everyone BUT the lords and ladies of the land. They love a man without imagination, they're easier to manipulate. On many occasions, they've called for Fiere to be discharged to be replaced by Andrew, but each time, Fiere turned on the charm, and the lords and ladies turned over their savings, before feeling very foolish indeed.

"What is it, Morgans?" Fiere asked, preparing for bad news.

"Sah! It appears that there are a group of teenagers on board with us, sah! I do not understand why, sah!"

Fiere groaned. "Have you not read the Holy Behbly, Morgans?"

"No, sah! Our family is strictly atheist, sah!"

"Atheist? Which is..."

"The worship of the Dark Goddess Atheia, sah!"

"Atheia?" Fiere scoffed. "That's not a real goddess!"

A massive thunderbolt smashed into the sea beside the boat.

"Point taken..."

-

King Hardrid Badass looked around at the other four leaders. The Lycian League leader, Lord Eliwood III. The Head Tribesman of Sacae, Lady Lydia. The Ilian Knight General, Lady Farina IV. The King of Etruria, Kyle Ryzaria, son of Bern's most famed commander. _Let's see...I'm certain I have Bern with me...Lycia, a maybe. Ilia, almost certainly. Sacae...hmm...I don't know..._

He smiled warmly at the group, a hard thing to do for a man whose hobbies include stealing candy from small children. "My fellow Lords and Ladies, this is a dark time. Magi Val are stockpiling powerful magical weapons, ready to destroy Elibe completely. I have already sent an army as well as a group of teenagers-"

"A group of teenagers?" Farina cried. "Are you mad?"

Hardrid sighed. "Servant, show her the Bibleh." The servant called Servant bowed, before rushing to Farina, the book open. Farina read from the passage, then scoffed. "Bah! I don't believe this! Just because a book says this, you're all going to believe this? I DON'T BELIEVE!"

Everyone winced, and looked up. "What?" Farina asked, before a massive bolt of lightning smashed through the roof, smashing into the Lady of Ilia.

As her body crumpled to the ground, Hardrid groaned. "Atheia must have misheard her."


End file.
